Le Marquis de Marmalade


Le Marquis de Marmalade
Rhino candidate
Full name:
Le Mercury* Marquis de Marmalade III
* Due to the fact that the Ford Motor Co. has more lawyers and far
deeper pockets (I have no pockets or lawyers) I have decided to
exclude the Mercury part of my name.
Cree name: Runs swiftly with pants at knees
Why the Marquis de Marmalade?
My nom de plume reflects what I believe to be the politics and
times we live in, the return of Kings and Queens and the hierarchy
of nobles who wear invisible crowns and take savage amusement
in the subjugation of commoners. It’s pas mal malade.
I was born in the small industrial town of Decazeville, France in a log cabin which I helped my father build. Shortly after my difficult
birth (apparently I came out sideways) I immigrated to Canada with my father and very angry mother and spent the following 20
formative years of my life in Kapuskasing, Ontario. I then moved to Toronto where I would seek my pot of gold for 30+ years only to
find a pot of lead and a lot of asshole Leaf fans. I currently divide my time between Toronto and Val Rita – Harty the latter being far
more enjoyable. It’s like living on 2 different planets. I am 55 years old, have never been convicted and possess minty fresh breath.
I am single and swing left. I enjoy playing guitar poorly while watching Mexican wrestling.
Regional Platform:
All groundhogs will now be required to possess proper permits before commencing any work, be it in town or rural. A fine and/or
imprisonment could result if any groundhog is found without proper building permits. I conservatively estimate a 100% increase in
the deposit of roots, mushrooms, clovers, grass and wild lettuce to the public coffers.
I will table legislation that will require the secret ingredient of Partridge to be added to all meat-pie sold in Canada. To be exclusively
supplied by the Maison de Marmalade. (probably no affiliation) The economic spin off of such legislation will be a great benefit to
the North but maybe not so much to the partridge. mmm, stupid and tasty.
All tobacco will be priced out at $4 a pack and will be exclusively controlled and administered by the aboriginal peoples. Think of it
as the aboriginal’s small pox in a blanket for Whitey. $3 of each pack will go directly to aboriginals, .95¢ will go to Health Canada
and .05¢ will be put in escrow in a Swiss bank account as a vehicle to fund spontaneous Public festivals and Monster truck shows
throughout my tenure.
Public skidoo and side-by-side sharing program. It will be very electric, very expensive and entirely subsidized by the big 3 auto
The senate to be moved to Moonbeam, Ontario.
Once we move parliament to Kapuskasing, I will table a motion to have the Senate relocated to Moonbeam*, Ontario. Senators
would then be tasked with walking from Kapuskasing to Moonbeam as a display of personal courage and commitment to the office.
I would stress that the move be done in January, as a 20 km walk in -40 wind chill would clear the Senate of deadweight.
Dissolution of the Senate would soon follow due to DNFs. Warm soup and secure pensions await any successful participants which
I would expect to be no more than 1 or 2. The net result being a considerable savings to tax payers.
* As seen on Space Channel. Word is a UFO landed on the 9th Green of the Moonbeam golf course back in the 90s. Apparently the aliens
found the green too fast and left without mending their divots.
Campaign Slogans:
Pot in every chicken • Ask my boss • Rhino? Why not? • You know me behind the town shed, now know me in town!

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