With national defense being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government will take the necessary steps to modernize the Canadian military and protect our country’s interests.
(Platform to unveil)
With the economy being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, the party is proposing several measures to reduce the tax burden on taxpayers:
- The Rhinoceros Government will open tax havens in all provinces! Hundreds of tax havens will keep foreign funds “local” and reap up to $ 2,000 billion annually!
- By 2022, the party pledges to complete the privatization of the Senate initiated by previous governments.
- Finally, we will fill the coffers of the state by allowing advertising in the Senate and the House of Commons.
Education being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to eliminating waste and providing quality education to all Canadians.
- Replace teachers on leave with photos of famous scientists.
(Other commitments to come)
Employment being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to doing everything we can to make life easier for Canadian workers.
- Citizens are asking for jobs and we will give them some! By 2020, we promise that all citizens will have a job and most will even have two.
- In our first mandate, we will rewrite the Labour Code in order to add one holiday per month. April 1st and the birthday of the party leader will also become holidays. Finally, it will be forbidden to work the day after a holiday.
- Reduce the number of accidents in factories by wrapping all workers in bubble wrap.
The environment being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we will make sure to protect the territories of the federation that are not yet the property of a foreign multinational and to tackle global warming.
- To promote carpooling, we will make sure that the brake pedal is now installed on the passenger side of all vehicles.
- Green cars are not available in sufficient numbers in Canada. This is why a Rhinoceros Government will force car manufacturers to build more green cars: forest green, pale green, khaki green and neon green.
- Scientists predict that in the next 20 years, global warming will threaten the existence of human beings. We can do better! A Rhinoceros Government promises to make it happen in 10 years!
- In order to fight global warming, we will force all citizens to leave their windows open in the summer and to operate the air conditioning to the maximum.
- We’ll bribe the Weather Network presenters to announce only sun on Sundays, and less snow in the winter.
Justice being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government will take the necessary steps to ensure law and order in Canada.
- In the interests of equity among all Canadian provinces, we will apply the War Measures Act to the 9 provinces that did not have the privilege in October 1970.
(other measures to come)
Since Canadian Heritage is THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we are committed to defending Canadian values and promoting our history.
- Make “Sorry” the new official motto of Canada.
- Nationalize bacon.
- To create a more egalitarian Canada, all maps will be redrawn so that provinces are rectangles like Saskatchewan.
- Make illiteracy the third official language of Canada.
International Relations being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government will take the necessary steps to restore Canada’s image on the international stage.
- Following the Trudeau government’s woeful inaction, the magnetic pole migrated from Canada to Russia. The Rhinoceros Party Party will bring it back to our territory.
- We’ll handle diplomatic appointments in a partisan and arbitrary way! All ambassador positions will now be sold to the highest bidders.
- To boost national pride, we’ll annex the state of Massachusetts in order to have champion sports teams again.
Health being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, we promise that all citizens will get their money’s worth when it comes time to enjoy free healthcare.
- Responding to the demand of the population, we will reduce traffic in hospital emergency rooms by eliminating waiting areas.
- To counter the shortage of doctors and nurses, our party will provide steroids to all employees to increase their performance.
- A budget will also be allocated for the development of a vaccine to protect future generations from traveller’s diarrhea.
Public Safety being THE number one priority of the Rhinoceros Party, our government is committed to making the necessary efforts to ensure safety from coast to coast to coast.
- To help victims of identity theft, the Rhinoceros Party is committed to providing a new name and a new date of birth to citizens who request it.
- To increase the safety of Canadian children, newborns’ first names must be at least 12 letters, including a capital letter, a number, and a special character.